Before You Say “Yes”: 5 Important Questions To Ask Yourself Before Starting A New Relationship

Let’s face it. Breakups are the worst. They feel like a sucker punch to the gut and some nights, starting a new relationship seems like the only way out of that misery, but hold up. You need to ask yourself at least five important questions before starting a new relationship if you’re sure that you want it to work and prevent another disaster. 

Lucky for you, this blog post discusses five important questions to ask yourself before starting a new relationship, so hang on tight. This might just be the last cup of coffee to sober you up before sending that drunk text or starting something you’re not ready for. Either way, let’s get into it!

5 Important Questions To Ask Yourself Before Starting A New Relationship

1. Am I Emotionally Ready For A New Relationship?

This has to be the first question to ask yourself before starting a new relationship.

“Am I emotionally ready to start a new relationship?”

You need to ask yourself this question because sometimes, we go into new relationships without unpacking the baggage from the previous one. 

You want to get into a new relationship, and you’re still talking to your ex? Still keeping snap streaks? Be for real. 

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If you’re still dealing with insecurities, trust issues, and unresolved issues from your previous relationships, you have no business getting into a new one. 

If anything, I’ll advise you to take time to reflect and care for your emotional well-being. Heal alone first so you can be strong enough to hold on to the next person. Don’t meet a healthy person while you’re still sick and cause them hurt. 

Ask yourself if you truly love the person or if you’re only using them as pass time to help you move on from your previous relationship. 

Relationships require a lot of work and commitment. If you’re not emotionally ready for the highs and lows of getting to know a new person, you’re not ready to enter a new relationship. 

Even if the potential new partner is your best friend of twenty years, the moment your relationship starts transitioning into romance, you begin to see sides of the person you never knew existed. 

Honestly, if you’re not emotionally ready, don’t start a new relationship. If there’s anything I always tell myself, it’s this:

“Never start what you know you can’t finish.”

Ensure you’re emotionally sound before starting a new relationship. It’s the least you can do for your potential partner if you truly love them.

2. What Do I Want From This New Relationship?

Expectation, they say, is the mother of manifestation. 

What exactly do you want from the new relationship? Because knowing what you want from the onset will prevent confusion later in the relationship. 

You need to ask yourself this vital question because if you don’t have a clear vision of where you see the relationship leading, you and your new partner may end up on different paths.

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A few questions you could ask yourself are as follows:

• Do you want a short-term relationship?

• Are you heading for marriage?

• Do you expect a dependent relationship?

• Do you want an open relationship?

Of course, there are so many more questions you could ask yourself, but only you would know that best.

Be bold enough to ask yourself tough questions and answer them honestly. 

You don’t have to be stereotypical with your answers, either. Everyone has different values, perspectives, and ideologies, so you don’t need to lie to yourself about what you truly want.

When you decide what you want from the relationship, ask your potential partner those important questions and see where that takes you. If your paths are not aligned, simply go your separate ways—no foul play. 

It’s always better to get the difficult parts out of the way first so the rest of the journey can be easy. When you’re certain about your expectations from the relationship, it becomes much easier to communicate your goals to your partner. This helps you decide whether you’re both compatible or not because liking or loving someone isn’t enough to make a relationship work.

3. Do our Values and Beliefs Align?

This is one question you need to ask yourself before starting a new relationship with someone.

If your religious, political, and moral beliefs do not align, you will ALWAYS have issues in your relationship. It may not start immediately, but along the way, it sure will.

You can’t be an ardent feminist and try to convince yourself that you’ll be able to start a long-lasting relationship with a highly patriarchal man. It may work at first, but eventually, you’ll fall apart.

The same goes for religion and politics. 

Yes, love transcends all things, and some people have managed to make it work despite all odds, but come on. Why put yourself through all that hard work when you could have simply gone for someone whose values and beliefs align with yours? It’s common sense. 

It’s okay to have different opinions and interests. Still, when it comes to fundamental principles and beliefs on topics like family, parenting, finances, etc., you need to have a shared perspective to avoid conflicts.

If you’re a family-time kind of person while your partner prioritizes career growth over family time, it may lead to friction along the way. You’ll agree that both concepts are important. However, their importance is only relative to an individual. So, you need to partner with someone who shares similar priorities with you.

Remember, you need to discuss your priorities early on—preferably before you start dating—to avoid future misunderstandings.  

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4. What Are My Deal-breakers?

It’s a fact that no one human is perfect. Everyone has flaws and weaknesses. However, certain weaknesses could become very heavy weights later on in the relationship. 

So, before you get into a new relationship, make a list of things you know you will not be able to tolerate and find ways to ask your potential partner about them.

Don’t lie to yourself that you’re fine with everything about your potential partner. Ask questions. Ask the right questions. 

A few questions to reflect on could be:

• Am I willing to accept my partner’s flaws?

• Can I see myself living with X quirks, habits, or flaws?

• Do I ultimately expect my partner to change?

• Can I distinguish between minor flaws and deal-breakers?

• How well can I handle imperfections?

Moving on, you also need to understand that some weaknesses are okay. You just need to embrace them because if you don’t and you enter a relationship with unrealistic expectations, you may only wind up disappointed. The person is only human, after all.

While dating someone, you’ll need to learn to accept not only their strengths but also their shortcomings. So, when you begin to notice those inadequacies, check yourself mentally to see if they’re deal breakers for you. If yes, don’t bother starting a relationship with the person. If not, go ahead with it. 

Relationships are all about compromise and collaboration at the end of the day.

5. Am I Ready for Open Communication?

They say communication is the backbone of every healthy relationship. However, many people struggle to communicate openly these days. They see transparency as vulnerability and vulnerability as weakness or loss.

First of all, you need to uproot the mindset that relationships are about winning or losing. 

You are not in competition with your partner. If anything, you are both on the same team. So, if your partner is doing something you don’t like, open up to them. If you want your relationship to work out, you need to find a way to air your grievances healthily when they arise. 

Yes, open communication requires a lot of energy, time, and emotions, but if you want your relationship to work out, you need to be ready to communicate openly. 

Don’t expect your partner to “just know” what’s going on with you. Unless they have superpowers and telepathy, they won’t know unless you tell them clearly.

Being honest, open, and vulnerable with the right partner will only help to prevent conflicts and misunderstandings. A relationship without healthy communication will only lead to resentment, misunderstandings, and emotional distance.

Again, here are some questions to meditate on and answer truthfully before starting a new relationship:

• Am I the type to avoid difficult conversations and keep my feelings bottled up?

• Am I willing to openly express my feelings, have vulnerable conversations with my partner, and actively listen to them, even during conflict?

• Am I comfortable being vulnerable with this person?

• Do they make me feel safe enough to bare my heart before them?

• How do I handle criticism or feedback?

• Am I a good listener? If yes, do I respond with empathy?

• How do I handle disagreements, and am I willing to clear up misunderstandings?

Healthy communication builds trust. Keep that in mind as you start your new relationship.

The five questions discussed in this blog post aren’t the only questions you need to ask yourself before starting a new relationship, but you can at least start from here. These questions, and many others you will ask yourself, serve as a guide to help you make intentional and thoughtful decisions before committing to a new relationship. 

Again, they will only be useful if you answer them truthfully, so don’t deprive yourself. I wish you good luck as you try to navigate this new phase in your life.

You’ve got this!